"King and Queen of the Fall" quilt by Carol Bridges
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In our 21st century lives, parting is a common experience. It happens by divorce, moving to another location, quitting a job, leaving friends and various combinations of all of these. The harshest of these is often divorce. Yet, as our cultural mores have changed, we need to continue refining how to make this process easier on all concerned.
In one of my own partings, my mate and I gathered a small group of our friends together and spoke of our changing situation. We explained our hopes and plans and how our friends could help us. We answered their questions. We spoke of new people who had entered our lives. We shared what commitments we still had to each other and which ones were being dissolved.
In this way, our friends were spared from having to "choose sides" or wonder what was changing and how that would affect their lives. It also gave both of us the support we needed emotionally.
There are many people affected by a parting. I find that being up front with what is taking place, seeking help that is not based in blame, and setting up new ways of being nourished during difficult times are very important steps to take.
I am glad to assist you in creating a supportive environment for you and your partner to gently unbind yourselves from your responsibilities to each other. You have learned much from each other and shared moments of love that shall always be with you. No relationship was ever all bad. It's okay to honor the good parts.
The things that you were not able to give each other have now reached out to be met in other ways. There is always sadness when you find yourself unable to fulfill someone's dream. The dream is now seeking another avenue of fulfillment. It is alright to cry. In your judgment, this parting may be foolish. Maybe it is part of a pattern you do not like. Maybe it is something devastatingly unkind. You may have anger, disappointment and grief. All of these feelings are normal. All need to be processed in some way.
Depending on the level of openness and honesty you have shared with your mate during your time together, you may be able to continue to provide certain things for each other. These may be emotional or material. Helping each other to know, even on a week by week basis, what will remain as it has been can be very comforting. "All" is not lost, though it can definitely seem that way at first.
Big changes disrupt so many patterns. You are forced outside your comfort zone. This is the place where most growth happens. These are the stones on your spiritual path. Something new can be built with them.
"I merely took the energy it takes to pout and wrote some blues." Duke Ellington